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if you're reading this then you probably know me but my name is rubin/any other names you know me by!!!

quick info about me:

i love music, games, and my friends very much!!!! i'm a native english speaker, intermediate-ish german speaker, and want to learn hebrew, and i want to study art, ethnography, and environmental studies!!!! my favorite foods are potatoes!!!!

:fat_chocobo: have a good day!!!! :Lil_Cloud:

i cant take it Im at my llimit i cant win with medicine or my body

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also being in a near constant state of low grade anxiety and inability to just relax and stop being in flight or fight mode and needing xanax daily but knowing my psych really doesnt want me doing that and that xanax is an addictive substance especially dangerous because i am predisposed to substance abuse + bipolar.

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being in a near constant state of mild/dull to severe pain that is only (sometimes) relieved by ibuprofen and naproxen however daily use of those can cause stomach and kidney problems but i need it every day

i think that finding beauty in the world as well as love for it is a necessary choice one has to make if they want to survive Like i think that is how you save yourself really. im not saying to love the world just for yourself but i think thats the only way you can really save yourself is to find that love and beauty and appreciation you have to find that somehow


we dont have a lot of money but oh my god. im going to lowes as soon as i can I need a litltel planti need to take care of life i n

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epiphany in the throes of a bipolar and ptsd induced depressive state/????up and down happy but also sad/traumatized emotional state: i need to start to raise a plant again and i will be ok holy shit. i need a baby plant really really bad

today and yesterday? ptsd days from hell and wanting to not be alive but GOOD GOD. did actually eating a meal and thinking about my interests help me not be so so miserable

my own characters/favorite characters either have
1. paternal trauma
2. no relationship with their fathers
3. really good relationship with their father who dies
i hope this doesnt say anything about meas a person

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media where there is a good single dad either makes me really sad or really happy at the same time i just start projecting

this indonesian "fine gems and jewelry" youtube channel uploading full anthony bourdain episodes on yt

made my sister listen to 30 seconds of death grips and it broke her

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